Read these 47 Emotions Tips tips to make your life smarter, better, faster and wiser. Each tip is approved by our Editors and created by expert writers so great we call them Gurus. LifeTips is the place to go when you need to know about Single Parent tips and hundreds of other topics.
The New York - Presbyterian Hospital offers the following system for managing anger.
"1. Before you speak or do anything else, think through all the steps below.
2. Recognize and admit the anger to yourself.
3. Identify the target and the cause of the anger. a) Consider all the options for responding and their possible results. b) Directly and verbally express the anger. c) Use humor. d) Let it pass. e) Focus on something else. f) Get involved in a physical activity. g) Find a different way to look at the situation. h) Rest, use relaxation techniques, meditation, or deep breathing exercises.
4. Choose the best option.
5. Do it."
Many single parents' worst fear is that of being lonely. Forget it, that's only a myth. Many single parents find they were lonely far more often while in a bad relationship than they are now. Loneliness happens to everyone, even those married. It is a part of life. Deal with it. Focus on the good things about your life, not the negatives. Don't date someone who treats you badly, or spend time with people who are bad influences on your out of your fear of being lonely. Spend your time and energy on people who encourage and uplift you, not pull you down. And never, ever rush into marrying someone as a “cure” for being alone. You will be even more lonely than you are now, and more miserable. Make good friends and relationships—keep looking until you find them.
Single parenting has its ups and downs, but overall, it can be a valuable growing experience. It can make you a much stronger person emotionally than you were before. You can learn how to overcome being codependent upon others for your emotional stability. You learn how to overcome and deal with issues that you may have never dealt with before. You also learn to be more sensitive to others going through tough times and can develop a heart to reach out and help others and be a source of encouragement and support for them. Learn the value of having a network of friends for emotional support. And, learn also your number one support comes from your relationship with God, who will be your Rock. if you will let Him. When all else falls around you, He will always be there to pick you up, and many times shelter you from the pain.
Our body reacts to stress and releases antibodies to combat the negative destroyers of our body. When depression sets in, your antibodies are busy fighting the negative emotions, and are unable to engage in battle against the viruses and diseases they normally fight. So the sooner you can get over that depressed state, the sooner your body will be able to return to good health. And you will feel better emotionally as well as physically.
Information for this tip came from the New York-Presbyterian Hospital: Rules #1 states "Say what happened. Be very specific. Say exactly what happened, when, where and how often. Don't describe your emotional reaction to it yet. Don't use abstract or vague terms. Don't generalize. Don't guess about the other person's intentions or motives."
Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, and produces a general sense of well-being. Medicos believe that 100 to 200 laughs a day are the equivalent of about ten minutes of rowing or jogging. You can liken it to having your foot on your own body's accelerator. It is said to be "part of the arsenal helping to fight disease." And luckily you can not build up "immunity" to these natural reactions.
See difficulties as temporary setbacks and not the result of something wrong with you. Do not automatically assume the worst or that something is wrong with you. If you lose your job, channel your thinking into getting another job that is as good or better than the one you had. If a friend does not call you back when you expect, consider the fact that they may be extremely busy and have not had a chance to check their answering machine or return calls. Giving others the benefit of the doubt if far better than beating yourself up with feelings of rejection.
Let's face it, sometimes life is hard. And no one every said life was fair. The important thing is to remember that this too shall pass. Sometimes we may feel like we can't deal with the many problems of life and may become depressed. Depression is a normal emotion that everyone experiences at some point in time. The important thing is to deal with depression, don't stay in that state. Get counseling if you need it. If the depression lingers, see your doctor. Get help from your friends and family. Find someone to talk to that will put some balance back into your life. Don't isolate yourself or the depression will get deeper. Deal with depression or it will deal with you.
Information for this tip came from the New York-Presbyterian Hospital: Rule #3 states "Say exactly what you want the other person to do. Request a small change. Request only one or two changes at one time. Say exactly what behaviors you want to see stopped and those you want to see continued. Ask for something the person can actually do. Don't merely imply that you'd like a change. Don't ask for too big a change. Don't ask for too many changes. Don't ignore the other person's needs. Don't assume that only the other person has to change."
Pay attention to what your child is most interested in. Study it a little and get some cool facts about it. If you cannot find anything on the subject, pay attention to it, and help them make the most of it. A child may feel depressed because his parent has no clue what he/she is talking about, which could cause them to lose their self-esteem and make it harder for them to talk to you. Take an interest in your child and his/her interests.
Open your eyes to the humor around you. Try to add at least one humorous event into your life everyday. It may be in the form of watching a sitcom on TV, a movie, cartoons, or reading jokes and funny stories. There are several posted at Singleparent-tips that should bring a smile to your face.
When you feel like you are going to "blow your top" take a "parent time-out" until you calm down. Leave the room, count to ten, go to your bedroom, and closing the door, etc. Whatever it takes to restore your cool so you can deal with the situation calmly and rationally. Exploding solves nothing and may frighten your children.
Information for this tip came from the New York-Presbyterian Hospital: Rule #2 states "Say how you feel about it. Speak calmly. State feelings in a positive way. Say how you feel about the situation, not about the person. Do not deny your feelings. Do not unleash emotional outbursts. Do not put the other person down. Do not attack the entire character of the person.
Do not get angry at the waitress because you had to wait too long for your food, or at the sales clerk because the store is out of the item you wanted. It is the situation, not the individual, causing the problem. It could be there is a new cook being trained who missed seeing your order, or the restaurant is short-handed because someone did not show up for work. Or it could be that the item you wanted is a popular item and the store sold out more quickly than anticipated. Try to look at the bigger picture, not just the one you are seeing.
It is very important for families to talk openly about the issues of integrity. Be open with your family. Make sure that your children have a strong and clear sense of who you are. Honesty is not only the best policy, it is the best way of teaching integrity—and offering our children another essential building block for the construction of emotional health.
(Innoculating Against Depression by Richard Louv, Senior Editor)
In some situations it is okay to get angry. The key is not to stay there. Do something constructive with that anger, not destructive. Identify the anger. Is it directed toward an individual or a situation? It is important to separate people from situations they have no control over. People employed in service industries many times experience someone's anger directed at them over situations they had no control over. It's okay to not like the message, just don't take it out on the messenger who has to deliver it. Remember you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Family history is important. Studies indicate that depression is three times more common in children whose biological parents suffer from depression, even if the children have been adopted into a family whose members do not have the illness. Other research indicates that if one identical twin develops depression, the other twin has a 70 percent chance of also suffering from it. These studies suggest that some people inherit a susceptibility to the illness.
One way to combat depression is to exercise. Yes, exercise, even if you don't feel like it. Make a commitment to yourself to do it. Exercise will help your body to get rid of those negative emotions that are pulling you down. Work off that anger or frustration, it is the same as venting your emotions verbally, except you are releasing the energy from your body physically rather than through your mouth which can have very negative ramifications. Exercise is a far safer method of venting.
Clinical research has indicated that humor may have a direct effect on the body's ability to fight infections. According to the American Association for Therapeutic Humor, a St. Louis-based nonprofit group, laughter boosts the body's production of killer white blood cells that attack infectious agents in the body. "We now have proof that humor and laughter improve the chemicals in your body, in both the short and long terms," according to Karyn Buxman, a member of the organization and former nurse who writes and speaks on the subject of therapeutic humor.
Take the time to recognize what is causing the anger. Is it really your child's messy room or are you stessed out at work? You are more vulnerable to becoming angry when there are others stressors. Become aware of these issues and it will enable you to be more patient with your child.
Becoming a widow is just as traumatic as finding yourself divorced. However, in most cases a widow is left with far more unanswered questions and a greater sense of grief and more difficulties in moving on. Often the anger part of the grief process is avoided because of the guilt that is felt over being angry at someone who has passed.
Children have fears that adults often don't understand. At certain ages children seem to have more fears than at others. Nearly all children develop fears of the dark, monsters, witches, or other fantasy images. Over time, these normal fears fade. But when they persist or when they begin to interfere with a child's normal daily routine, he or she may need the attention of a mental health professional.
Be aware that the least likely person that a suicidal child will talk to about any mental health problems are school counselors or teachers; they will most likely talk to other teens. Teacher education and peer support is necessary. Parents need to stay actively involved in their child's life and be alert for signs of suicidal tendencies.
Do not let even minor normal depression get in the way of healing. The longer you wait, the longer it takes. Contact your church clergy or a Crisis hotline for a list of counselors in your area. Many crisis hotlines are great if you just need someone to talk to and you do not feel like you can "bother" your friends or family members. They are there 24 hours a day and they are trained in listening and helping.
Information for this tip came from the New York-Presbyterian Hospital: Rule #4 states "Tell the other person why. Say exactly how their change in behavior will help you. Say exactly how their change in behavior will be good for them. Say how bad things will be if their behavior doesn't change. Don't be ashamed to say why you want the change. Don't threaten. Don't bully. Don't be ashamed to say how important their behavior is to you."
Not only does depression weaken your body's resistance, it also causes a loss in bone density, which causes osteoporosis, making your bones more brittle and vulnerable to fractures. It is important in many ways to find a way out of your depressed state and get on with living a full life. Your bones will thank you!
So what do you do if you feel the need to laugh? Call a reliably funny friend, read a funny book or email, or, better still, watch the most amusing and ridiculous comedy movie available. The funnier, the better……… Better still, build up your own laugher library, and then when you need a break, just retreat to your library for a "boost".
First, do something to cool off. When we get angry, adrenalin is produced that goes racing through our bodies because it has been alerted danger is imminent. It is adrenalin that enables people to perform superhuman acts in crisis situations, such as lifting a car off of a young child. So you need to get rid of that excess energy soaring through your body that's causing "your blood to boil." If possible, go outside and take a brisk walk, go for a run, head for the gym or a workout room. Release that energy and cool your head. Then you can think clearly and will be better able to make appropriate decisions rather than rash decisions made in the heat of the moment.
Part of the therapeutic power of humor is that it can change how we think. It helps us develop perspective. With perspective, the stressors of life are less stressful. Humor teaches us new ways of thinking and in some situations and has been known to increase problem solving -- all by changing the way we perceive the world. The way we perceive the world is also related to our emotions, our behaviors, and even our biochemistry.
First identify why you are angry with the other person, is it them or their actions that anger you? In many cases, it is an action they have taken that has offended you or your child. AFTER you have calmed down and can talk rationally about the situation, try to discuss it CALMLY with the offender, if possible. Many times, due to our own pain and hurt, we can misinterpret other people's actions. Openly and honestly discussing the situation can defuse it and hopefully prevent a reoccurrence of the incident. Open communication can solve many problems.
Medical studies indicate that laughter boosts levels of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers, and suppresses levels of epinephrine, the stress hormone. Norman Cousins, whose book Anatomy of an Illness tells how watching comedic movies helped him recover from an illness that was predicted to be fatal, is generally credited with starting the scientific study of the effect of humor on physical wellness some 20 years ago.
Hold yourself and the entire family accountable for controlling their tempers. Use a sticker chart to keep track of outbursts. This helps everyone become more aware of the situation. Plus, if a family member seems to be accumulating a lot of stickers, perhaps this needs to be addressed.
Values can shape our emotional health, as well as our children's. That is an area of concern often forgotten in the discussion of emotional health; it is not only how we think, but what we think, that determines our mental state and our attachments to others. In that regard, a sense of integrity is among the most important gifts we can give our children. Not only is it essential for the social order, but also for a emotional health.
(Innoculating Against Depression by Richard Louv, Senior Editor)
It has been suggested that laughter may even help prevent cancer by relieving depression, an emotional state that may make people more susceptible to the disease. Many experts credit the late author Norman Cousins as being a pioneering advocate for the health benefits of humor. Cousins suffered from ankylosing spondylitis, a disease that afflicts the joints between the spinal vertebrae. He found that 10 minutes of belly laughter would give him two hours of pain-free, drug-free sleep. In his 1979 book, "anatomy of an Illness," Cousins asserted that humor and a positive mental attitude had helped him overcome his condition.
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|