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When your spouse leaves, it is painful. Often the person who is left feels as though their life has been destroyed. They can not understand why this has happened, why they have stopped loving them. You may feel helpless, lost and desperately want them to return. The reality often is that the marriage has not worked for a long time. All the signs were there but you could not cope with the thought of breaking up the family. You may feel betrayed. You are starting the mourning period. It is similar to losing someone to a heart attack, it seems quick and without warning. You knew something was wrong but you thought it would go away as it has so many other times, but this time they are not coming home. Often the spouse who leaves will be cold and distant, they need to be because this is something they have been working towards for a long time. Turn to your friends or a support group for comfort. Those who are left and those who leave can not share this time, and it will only hurt you further if you seek comfort or understanding from the person who left.
The thoughts of this bit of advice is true in my case. I am a spouse that chose to leave, it's been 10 days and I'm struggling to stick with my decision but as much as I don't wish to be cold to my wife, things have been going in a wrong direction for a very long time. I finally got to a point where I'd "talked about it" long enough and there was no progress being made and then came the process to build up the courage to do something about it for myself. I hate that it came to this but I wasn't being heard for years.
My wife left and took three little boys with her
you say no comfort from her but she has the only comfort which is my kids. She comes back and we have sex but will not stay. In your opinion would there be any hope of reconciliation. Her parents split many times when she was small and are back together living happily! She just says she is not happy and probably never will be.
so what else can i do aside from seeking support from friends?
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|