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Never tell your children to keep something secret from your ex. Your ex and the world at large have a right to know whatever your child knows. Telling children to keep secrets is harmful to the child's development. Children are innocent and will tell every thing they know to anyone. This is normal, do not tamper with it. Telling children to keep secrets makes them vulnerable to people who want to exploit them and makes them feel guilty when they talk to their other parent. If you do not want your ex to know something, do not let the children know.
This is so true plus advising the children not to talk to their other parent gives the appearance of deception. The automatic reaction is "What is he/she hiding?". My ex not only does this but gets his whole new family involved so at any time during a conversation with my children while they are visiting him I can expect to hear any one of them to yell at one of my children that "she isn't supposed to know that!". Quite honestly this terrifies me! How can I make him understand the damage he is doing?
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George Sayour |