Relationships Tips
Read these 14 Relationships Tips tips to make your life smarter, better, faster and wiser. Each tip is approved by our Editors and created by expert writers so great we call them Gurus. LifeTips is the place to go when you need to know about Single Parent tips and hundreds of other topics.
Closing Doors
You are not ready for a new relationship until you have firmly closed the doors on past relationships. If you have hopes that one of your past relationships will return to you, others will detect it. No one is interested in someone who is unavailable or only partially available. Close the door on all past relationships if you want to move forward.
Tear Down the Walls
Most single parents have been hurt in the past and as a result, have built walls to ensure they won't get hurt again. Because of this past hurt, they tend to put potential relationships through various tests in an effort to determine their sincerity or test their love. These tests seldom work and if you are looking for something to fail, it probably will. Instead of devising tests for the other person, work on becoming a person who sets strong and clear boundaries and avoid the chance of being mistreated. Become your own person who is not reliant upon others for your emotional well-being. Be secure in yourself and who you are.
Perfection Does Not Exist
Accept the fact that you are human and not perfect. Give up the idea that having the ideal body, bank account, or bubbling personality are necessary in order for someone to love you. Accept yourself for who you are and all the good qualities you have to offer. There is someone who will accept you and love you for the real you, not for who you desire to be. That does not mean we are not to strive to improve ourselves, just not to set unreasonable expectations. The idea that we are undesirable if we are not perfect needs to be trashed. Be proud of who you are now and what you will be as you move forward.
Stop Looking
Trying to find an ideal relationship is worse than looking for a needle in a haystack. Rather than spending time and money on personal ads and dating services, try investing your time and energy into things you enjoy doing. Many good relationships happen by chance meetings at the grocery store, auctions, PTA meetings, soccer and baseball practices and games, etc. Pursue a hobby and an activity you enjoy. Who knows, you may find your ideal partner out there on the walking trail or browsing the museum. Let love find you where you are, just make sure you are out there and not sitting at home!
Take Time to Heal
If you are recently divorced or struggling to overcome a bad relationship, be careful not to seek comfort in the arms of someone else right away, regardless of how appealing they may be or how lonely you are. It is okay to be friends, but make sure you give yourself time to heal, which usually takes several months. Spend some time getting in touch with who you are and what you want out of life. Become a whole person within yourself, do not look to other people to make you happy or complete you as a person. You will have a lifetime of searching and disappointments until you learn that it has to come from within. When you find out who you are, then you will be ready to find someone who shares the same thoughts, feelings, philosophies, and goals that you have. Get rid of your own baggage before taking on someone else's or packing any more around than you are already carrying. It is not easy, but you can do it. Believe in yourself, do not depend upon other people to complete you. You can do it!
Lonely--Get Connected
Many churches today have a network of single adults, many of whom are single parents. Force yourself to attend a meeting, even if you know no one there. Most of the people there experienced the same thing when they attended their first meeting, so they will know exactly how you feel and should welcome you warmly. Get connected. It helps keep you emotionally sane to know you are not alone, that there are other people in the boat with you. So get on board. Get connected with other single people who will have a positive influence on you.
Long Distance Relationships
When it comes to developing relationships with potential mates, if the distance is only a couple of hours travel time, it should not be much of a problem in this day and age of fast-speed travel to develop a healthy, lasting relationship. If the distance involved is half way around the world, then you may have problems developing a lasting relationship with someone you want to be significant unless you have a big budget. Long distance relationships seldom work out as it is difficult to get to know another individual without spending some time with them. If you are unable to spend time together with someone you feel could be your significant other, you may consider relocating (which you would have to do should you decide to marry) or look around for someone else closer to home. Sometimes we get fooled into wanting what we know we can not have and end up putting that person on a pedestal and are blinded to the real person. If he or she is unreachable, find someone who is reachable that you can spend time with and get to know.
Socialize for Your Health
A study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control examined the relationship between the level of people's social activity and behaviors that affect their risk for heart disease, such as diet, exercise, smoking, regular physical exams, etc. The study revealed that the more socially active a person was, the more likely he/she was to exercise, eat more fruits and vegetables, and have regular physical exams. So get out and socialize, just make sure it is a healthy activity such as bicycling, swimming, or even bowling, not just pigging out at the local buffet or pizza parlor! Keep in touch with others, it helps keep us accountable to our bodies and each other.
Message Boards
Be cautious about using message boards that are not, or are rarely, maintained by a moderator. The "strings" are difficult to follow if you do not check them daily and a lot of these boards become "flame" sites for people with nothing better to do than to put down others. A better alternative to these general message boards is to join a group that addresses the specific issues you have questions about.
Stop Looking
Trying to find an ideal relationship is worse than looking for a needle in a haystack. Rather than spending time and money on personal ads and dating services, try investing your time and energy into things you enjoy doing. Many good relationships happen by chance meetings at the grocery store, auctions, PTA meetings, soccer and baseball practices and games, etc. Pursue a hobby and an activity you enjoy. Who knows, you may find your ideal partner out there on the walking trail or browsing the museum. Let love find you where you are, just make sure you are out there and not sitting at home!
Support Group for Widows
It is very important for a widowed mother to join a support group. While family and friends want to help and support you, often they lack the knowledge and understanding of what you are feeling and going through. If there are no support groups in your area, think about starting one. Use local churches and the YWCA as resources for beginning a group.
First a Friend, Then a Suitor
Be selective in your dating relationships. Do not parade an endless array of dates in front of your children, this will only add to their confusion. Instead of developing numerous relationships with members of the opposite sex, why not develop friendships? Building friendships with others gives you an opportunity to get to know another individual in ways that is difficult once a relationship begins. Good friendships can last a lifetime, but relationships tend to be short-lived and result in someone getting hurt when it ends. Concentrate on friendships rather than relationships and you and your children will be much happier.
Lonely--Find a Friend Quick!
Loneliness. Find a friend quick—not an acquaintance, but a true heart-felt friend. You need someone to call in the middle of the night when you are at your wit's end. Don't know anybody who qualifies—then get out and find one! Check out community single groups such as Parents Without Partners. Find out the meeting schedule, and get going. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain—friends!
Develop a Reliable Support System
Tip from Shellee Darnell in article entitled Single Parents Raise Good Kids Too! “Develop a wide network of people who can provide you with emotional support, companionship, help in emergencies, childcare, reality checks, etc. Be selective and choose caring, reliable, trustworthy people who will be there for you in times of need. Single parents with healthy support systems usually feel better mentally and physically and demonstrate to their children that it is OK to ask for help. Support groups for single parents offer an excellent opportunity to socialize and share with others in similar circumstances.”
| Guru Spotlight |
| Patricia Walters-Fischer |
